Books

I had to add shelves to my bookcase. It's getting out of control. I need a library now. I really didn't realise how many books I had until I had to unload the bookcase to put a couple more shelves in. I now just have piles of books throughout the house. It's bad. Or good. Kinda neat when I have people over and they see the books. Nice talking piece.

It's funny to me how much I used to read compared to now. I guess when responsibility supersedes dependence the time for the trivial things is minimal. I find it disappointing, however, because I could easily find myself as a professional reader in the future. Or a professional traveller. I would love that. But I would need something to challenge myself with, so I don't stagnate. That's my problem now. I have so much reading I want to do, but less and less time to sit and read simply because I challenge too much. Odd how it works out sometimes, I guess. Kinda like keeping in touch with people. The internet is great for that, but I still find something that will challenge me enough so I don't sit down and chat it out with people.

Complacency also becomes an issue as well, I think, when the desire to read is overtaken by the ease of watching entertainment. Too many people find time to sit and watch the tele. And in school it's hard to find enjoyment in something you have to do, unless you are genuinely interested in it. The simplicity with which people watch entertainment, specifically the tele, compared to other means of entertainment is increasing, and I'd be curious to see that curve compared to a corresponding creativity or individuality curve on the same graph, simply because as individualistic as sitting on your chair with a big bowl of chips and tasty beverage is, I'd be willing to bet a socially-driven desire to watch that sitcom helped you make that channel choice.

I don't mean to say reading is the way to go, but something that doesn't quite stifle humanity's creativity and ingenuity is more desirable than a comparable mass-produced by a few people sitcom is. I guess more educated decisions would aid that...

--R.

So I no longer require the assistance of a brain.

It smells like updawg in here.

Modesty

You learn a lot during your time, but there is so much stuff I don't know that just amazes me. I don't know how big a billion is. I know it is a big number, I know that I am composed of billions of cells, atoms, and the such, but I still can't put a grip on a billion. I don't know how the universe works, or how gravity works, or why I am so damn tall. Now I say all this, but these are just relative terms. I do know what a billion is, how gravity works, why I'm tall, but aside reading about them in books, writing papers on how stuff works, how big things are, I still look at the simplest things and am constantly amazed. The simplicity of getting something is never just as easy as turning a switch, opening a gate, flipping the page. I'm enveloped in a society that takes so much for granted and is so naïve when it comes to the minuteness of what an atom is, how big one billion is, how gravity works.

I couldn't be as presumptuous to say that I think about electricity every time I turn on a light or perform some other menial task as such, but I can be just amazed at a plastic bottle, or looking at the stars, or staring at my hand. The reality of being around people that are like that, that think, that are constantly switched on, just drives me to absorb as much information as I can from them. Being around as many people as I am on a daily basis, and just being to engage in a conversation about anything other than the direct topic at hand is so thrilling to me.

I've had the unfortunate experience of not being in environments like that and I feel no motivation to know anything, to challenge myself, to become a different breed. I look at the art of science, and the feebleness of people, and just wish there was something I could do to intrigue them, to get them to live for themselves, and to discover things for themselves. I love my job and being able to help others to develop those abilities, to think, to want to know, and when I leave at the end of the day, I am motivated and encouraged to want to know more. And then I get out in the populace and am just sickened with how knowledge and character take a back-seat to plainness. Triteness. How a room of people flock instead of being an individual, happy with their own self.

Perhaps I've got the wrong notion - I've never been one to be around people, to just be in a room with people, but I say that in fear of sounding elitist. My whole rambling has nothing to do with my job, I love my job, I look forward to going in everyday, and being one-on-one with someone and just getting to know them, but that same characteristic is by the wayside when I'm not at work. I am encouraged everyday that people persevere, want to know, love the challenge, and then I get home and am simply depressed when I get out of that bubble. I just can't wait to get out of here. I want to be in place where generalities, boringness doesn't exist. Where do I go?