You learn a lot during your time, but there is so much stuff I don't know that just amazes me. I don't know how big a billion is. I know it is a big number, I know that I am composed of billions of cells, atoms, and the such, but I still can't put a grip on a billion. I don't know how the universe works, or how gravity works, or why I am so damn tall. Now I say all this, but these are just relative terms. I do know what a billion is, how gravity works, why I'm tall, but aside reading about them in books, writing papers on how stuff works, how big things are, I still look at the simplest things and am constantly amazed. The simplicity of getting something is never just as easy as turning a switch, opening a gate, flipping the page. I'm enveloped in a society that takes so much for granted and is so naïve when it comes to the minuteness of what an atom is, how big one billion is, how gravity works.
I couldn't be as presumptuous to say that I think about electricity every time I turn on a light or perform some other menial task as such, but I can be just amazed at a plastic bottle, or looking at the stars, or staring at my hand. The reality of being around people that are like that, that think, that are constantly switched on, just drives me to absorb as much information as I can from them. Being around as many people as I am on a daily basis, and just being to engage in a conversation about anything other than the direct topic at hand is so thrilling to me.
I've had the unfortunate experience of not being in environments like that and I feel no motivation to know anything, to challenge myself, to become a different breed. I look at the art of science, and the feebleness of people, and just wish there was something I could do to intrigue them, to get them to live for themselves, and to discover things for themselves. I love my job and being able to help others to develop those abilities, to think, to want to know, and when I leave at the end of the day, I am motivated and encouraged to want to know more. And then I get out in the populace and am just sickened with how knowledge and character take a back-seat to plainness. Triteness. How a room of people flock instead of being an individual, happy with their own self.
Perhaps I've got the wrong notion - I've never been one to be around people, to just be in a room with people, but I say that in fear of sounding elitist. My whole rambling has nothing to do with my job, I love my job, I look forward to going in everyday, and being one-on-one with someone and just getting to know them, but that same characteristic is by the wayside when I'm not at work. I am encouraged everyday that people persevere, want to know, love the challenge, and then I get home and am simply depressed when I get out of that bubble. I just can't wait to get out of here. I want to be in place where generalities, boringness doesn't exist. Where do I go?
